Clubbing for introverts

I love going out! I love deciding what to wear, heading to a party spot, and grabbing a few drinks. Know what I don't love? The part of clubbing that involves talking to other people. Also, I'm not crazy about that awkward standing around, waiting for decent music to dance too. And, speaking of the music, why the hell is it always so loud? When I said I love going out, I meant I love the idea of going out. Not all of that other bad music, worse conversation, why-do-I-even-bother nonsense. And, after a lifetime of suffering through "traditional social interaction" someone has finally created the kind of bar scene I can actually enjoy. Welcome to quiet clubbing; a way of partying that cuts out all of pointlessness and leaves you with the good parts; music you can control and chatting by invitation only. In order to go quiet clubbing you first find a place that offers is (very searchable via Google). When you get there you will be given a set of headphones that play differ generes of music controlled by you! That's right, don't like what's playing? Change the station! Want to rock out with someone? Switch to whatever station they're listening too and keep the party going! Actually feel like talking? Headphones off! Jerk guy trying to get your attention? Turn up the beat and drown out the creep! At last, socialization they way God indented; on a case by case basis!

Red Cup Revolt

I'm guessing whomever wrote the song "world confusion" was probably psychic...or more likely just paying attention. Red cups people, that's where we are as a society. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The biggest problem facing society right now is not that Starbucks has red cups, it's that people noticed the red cups in the first place. And not just noticed them but are offended by them! Actually offended, as in so disturbed they were affected on a physical and emotional level. By cardboard. This is what it's come to. This is why we can't make any progress as a society, because we are undone by paper cups. Do you know what this really says about us? It says we have become so petty, so shortsighted, so damn entitled, that red cups without snowflakes make us see...well red. Not hunger. Not poverty. Not unjustified police shootings. Cups. And snowflakes. And fairness. (Not real fairness, of course, that would be too hard). And perceived slights. And, let's not forget, feelings. Ah yes, feelings. We feel that the lack of snowflakes on the Starbucks cups is an affront to our beliefs. We feel that the bare red cups are somehow marginalizing or even erasing, our values, our way of life, our very existence. And I personally feel that this, squabbling over cup colors and decorations like exasperating toddlers, is just a new level of pathetic that we actually need a new word to describe it. In the meantime I'm going to go find something that will make me forget cup-gate 2015, like a shot of vodka...or a bullet.

People with no control over their own lives insists on exacting control over yours....

So I ran into one of those people today. You know, the ones stuck in menial jobs whose only taste of power is when they can tell someone else what to do (namely you). Yup, one of those. This one came in the form of a security guard at the public library (remember those?). My laptop died this week and my iPad isn't always optimal for writing projects so I was kickin it old school at the computer lab. However, as it was one of a million stops for the day my phone was dying. Fortunately, the library has stepped up its game and installed a free charging station. I deposited my phone at one of the docks towards the end of my computer session (I was down to 9 minutes) figuring it could get a little juice while I finished up and ran to the little girl's room. Well apparently the library avenger had other ideas cause he marched into the computer room and yelled, that's right, yelled, at me. In front of everyone. Like I was 15 and in the principle's office. As I collected my things to leave he tried to smooth things over with me, which further irritated me. Granted, he was just doing his job and just didn't want to see me lose my phone, but seriously??

Parent goes to jail

My mother (whom I simply refer to as parent) went to jail today. Hmm. There's a phrase I never thought I'd write. This would probably be a good time to explain that my mother is a Scenic Painter, meaning she paints movie and television sets. As such, her job took her to the lockup in Queens and I thought I'd share with some of the observations/reflections made by her and her fellow artists:

There are no closets, where do they keep their clothes?

Remember, this is a local jail, not a prison

OMG! These doors lock really quickly!

They are referring to the bars

Do prisoners wear Jammies?

Not night clothes. Not pajamas. But Jammies. Seriously, I can't. Let's hope my mother (or any of her co-workers) never ends up in jail for real. On second thought, that would make a hell of a reality show...

Bonus round!

So, my ranting have led to a gig at Deep Nerd Magazine. Check out my first piece! https://deepnerdmagazine.com/?p=1222

A Whole New World

Her kisses are short and simple...Rapunzel thinks it's a nice feeling and she enjoys it. But it never occurs to her there might be something more to it than that...And suddenly, she gets it. It's like the shock she felt when she realized she was the princess...the feeling that she's on fire as he sucks and nibbles at her neck and runs a hand up her thigh

I'm lying on my bed, reading Tangled fan fiction (yes, I know, pathetic) when I read that line

and suddenly, she gets it

and I read it over and over because, and I can't believe I'm going to admit this, I relate to it. I, at 33, am apparently on the same sexual level as a 16 year old because I am relating to a sexualized version of a Disney movie. Ugh! Perhaps I should start at the beginning; recently I've started seeing someone and we spent the weekend in DC where, suddenly I got it (pun most definitely intended 😉). Mind you, I was married for seven years and never experienced anything like this. I guess I was one of those wives men complain about, you know, once you get married the sex stops. Only in didn't stop, I just didn't enjoy it. I thought it was me. Then I met Teddy (obviously not his real name) and discovered something wonderful...it's not me!

Then the next step is touching above the waist...I wouldn't call it a step, it's not like you do one thing then move onto the next, not unless it's really boring. It can be boring? Rapunzel askes, her eyes wide. She can't imagine that being possible.

More from the fanfic. Again I can relate only I had the opposite problem; I couldn't imagine it being exciting. Apparently I was wrong, skin tingling, hear-stoppingly, mind blowingly wrong...