Deep Nerd December

Almost forgot to post my December article! https://deepnerdmagazine.com/15-reasons-you-are-more-than-enough/

Normal Parents, Strange Children

I hadn't intended to make my post on Susan Cain's book (Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking) a two-parter but it turns out that I have more to say on the subject; I'm now reading a section in which she talks about children who are mismatched with their parents (introverted children with extrovert parents). The point is to illustrate the learning curve when your child has a vastly different personality than you and, while I'm not a parent, I'd like to think that adapting to your child's personality style is, at least somewhat, instinctual. Ms. Cain gives two examples in the book; in the first, she talks of extroverted parents who were concerned for their son who seemed to shy away from new people/experiences, so much so that they took their child to a psychiatrist who told them that their son was perfectly fine and not to worry. Were they comforted by this assessment? Not at all. In a stunning display of bad parenting, they took their kid to multiple psychiatrist until they found one that agreed to "treat" him (watch the news for a Menendez-style outcome to this approach). The second is of an extroverted mother who finds herself with an introvert for a daughter. Did she drag her kid from shrink to shrink in hopes of "fixing" her? Nope. Guess what her approach to the introverted/extroverted "mismatch" was? Patience and understanding. Or what I like to think of as parenting. Now, I've never been a parent but I have been a child; a really, really odd child. A child who ground crayons into the rug in an attempt to build a castle. A child who pretended to be a cat. For a week. When it was nowhere near Halloween. (Including sleeping in a cat crate and taking meals in a dish on the floor). A child who decided she was Wednesday Adams and wore only black. A child (and now adult) who talks to herself more than anyone else. Did my mother search desperately for a cure to my weirdness? No. (At least not as far as I know). Did she try to change me on her own? Nope. Did she hope she would one day end up with a "normal" child? Don't think so (though, now that I think about it, perhaps this is why my sister was born). All through my odd childhood and now as an odd adult all my mother has ever done is love me and accept me; tiaras, cat ears and all. Now, while my mother is a self described introvert, I'm still not sure what I am, but we are definitely mismatched. And, on behalf of odd, different, weird children everywhere, whether this means you prefer your own company to that of others (9 times out of 10 the right choice) or if your life is a constant performance piece (complete with costumes), your parents should celebrate it. If they didn't/don't, they missed the point.

The Family That Hates Together...

Anyone who knows us knows my sister and I are as different as two people can possibly be; we don't look alike, act alike, dress alike. We don't have many of the same interests. There's nothing about us that would make you think we're sisters, or even related for that matter, except...we have very similar hates. We rarely agree what color the sky is when looking right at it but when it comes to hate, we're totally simpatico. Actually, this is true of my entire family. For example, we hate rudeness; we have been known to leave notes on the cars of people who think it's okay to take up more than one parking space. We hate self importantance; lookin fly today *humble brag*. Our response: #noonecares, #getalife, #toomuchtimeonyourhands. We hate stupidity, or even the appearance of stupidity. If you're over 18 and don't know the difference between they're, their, and there, don't talk to us. We hate useless people, i.e: people whose only reason for being on the planet seems to be to tell other people what to do. Hint, if you have multiple Tweets about how people need to stop living off the government but you, yourself haven't had a job since the first Bush administration...yeah, no, that's not gonna work for us so if you could kindly go back to whatever version of la la land you came from, that would be great, thanks. And we don't just hate these people, we loathe them. We abhor their existence. We can make an event out of hating. All it takes is for one of the aforementioned offenses (or one of the many, many others not listed here) to invade our orbit to start the text messages a-flyin. If snark were a sport, our homes would be overrun with trophies. Seriously, we're that good. hatred of the stupid or inane is the glue that bonds this family together. It's part of our genetic makeup. Some people got freckles, we got sarcasm. Welcome to cynic town, population: us. Let the hate glow.

Little Boxes Made of Ticky Tacky

I'm in the middle of reading a book titled: Quiet, the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It is a fascinating read, mostly because I can't decide if I love it or hate it. One chapter I'm nodding sagely, reveling in learning something new, the next I'm seething, wondering if this woman (Susan Cain) is condescending or niave (neither of which makes me happy). She's constantly citing studies that seem to prove that all introverts are one way and extroverts another and that this label, introvert or extrovert, accounts for every decision we make in our lives; from career choices to spouses to favorite activities. Sigh. Yet another attemp to reduce human behavior to labels. If we label people, perhaps we'll be able to understand them. Yeah, good luck with that. No one is all one thing. Let me rephrase that, no one worth bothering with is all one thing. I have a shirt that reads: I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. It's so true: all my life I've been called a social butterfly, if something is happening, I'm usually right in the middle of it. However, those who know me well know that my absolute favorite person to be with is me. (If your following along, last week's post was about quiet clubbing). If this contradiction lied only with me I'd leave it alone (I'm used to being the exception to the rule) but it doesn't: my sister comes off painfully shy and seems to have a hard time making friends. Yet, she craves the company of others, almost constantly. But I bet no one would categorize her as an extrovert. I worked with a woman who appeared warm and friendly but frightened and insecure would actually describe her better. I'm also very good friends with a man who rarely raises his voice above a whisper, he is the king of diplomatic solutions, and he knows everything about everything. Ms. Cain would most likely call him a classic introvert. Except, he's never alone. Ever. By choice. Actually, Ms. Cain provides for people like this in her book too, through something called Free Trait Theroy. Apparently, Free Trait Theroy is when you are really one thing but pretend to be another. You know, like when your boss organizes a company retreat complete with trust exercises and you participate because you like your job and want to keep it. Or, the guy who purchases box seats to the Yankees home opener even though he hates crowds AND baseball, because his best friend never made it to a game last year. Free Trait Theroy at work? Perhaps. Or, it Could just be ACTING LIKE AN ADULT! Whatever happened to that? Has the world gotten so bad that growing up and "acting right" is considered a theroy worthy, term creating event? You know what? Don't answer that. On the other hand, she also talks about what she calls Core Personal Projects, something you involve yourself in that restores your soul, and gives you good reason to venture outside your comfort zone. She also points out that being in tune to your personality can help you discover your Core Personal Projects, and that not being in tune with yourself or denying who you are can lead to dire consequences, both psychological and physical, which resonates with me as I've recently come to the conclusion that my job (or more to the point, my boss) might literally be making me sick. So perhaps she's on to something after all, I'll finish the book and keep you posted.