Elmer's glue is shit. Let's just start there. The stuff is garbage, no wonder we give it to kindergartners to create fake scabs (if you didn't do this as a kid, you are either lying or boring and totally can't sit with us), that's all it's good for. And, while I'm at it, safety scissors were only useful if you were trying to sprain a finger. True, a kid could never accidentally cut themselves, but they couldn't cut paper either.
And, for as long as I'm ranting, how in the hell did the Silver Snakes always make it to the temple? Occasionally, the Red Jaguars would get there but never anyone else. Especially not the Purple Parrots! Did you know they made a Legends of the Hidden Temple movie? How was it, you ask? No idea, I can't find it anywhere though people swear they've seen it...
Also, remember Nick News? And things like kids pick the president? Where are those programs nowadays? We need more Mr. Wizard's world and less Spongebob Squarepants (there, I said it) if we're ever going to make any real progress as a society.
To summarize: Double Dare, Reading Rainbow, Square One (how many of you remember that?), Carmen Sandiego, Are You Afraid of the Dark = good. (Also Roundhouse and Weinerville). Lazy Town, Caillou, Teletubbies (seriously, WTF?), Dog with a Blog, and any show that started out on YouTube = abominable.
