I Get to be a Part of Things Now

...Pulled my car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down... In December I'll finally achieve my lifelong goal of going to Norway. Back in April I went to Ireland with my family and I want the same experience I had there in Oslo. By that I mean the money to buy things when I want them. To most people in their 40s, hell, in their 30s, this concept would seem unremarkable; Buy trinkets on vactaion? Duh. Well, not if you're me. In fact, if you're me, being able to afford anything without an epic planning session is a new concept. The better part of a year ago my perpetually precarious situation slowly began to stabilize; I helped buy my cousin's son a bed, I went to several farmers/flea markets with family and bought clothes and books (so many books) like everyone else. In Ireland I bought a wool sweater (the thing to do we were told) as well as several other lovelies without breaking a sweat (this is what I mean when I say I want the same experience in Norway). All of this, this ability to run my life, is so far from where I've spent most of adulthood that I'm still not sure I entirely believe it's real. The girl who at one time wondered if it would be better for her to live in a shelter rather than continue to be a burden on her family (especially her mother) can now contribute to her household, if not with complete ease, then at least with confidence. The girl who once couldn't afford to buy her family Christmas gifts at the dollar store is halfway done with her Christmas shopping, in October. Writing Rainbow is better because I can dedicate more resources to its success. Helping my family. Enhancing my business. Going to friggin Europe, in short, I get to be a part of things now. The opening line is a quote from a song called "This is me trying." Indeed...