Almost Famous For Almost A Day

Recently I've been hanging out with this woman I met at work and if you heard me talk about her you'd think I was obsessed with her...because I kinda am (in the most platonic, non stalker way possible). I wish I could give you a logical reason why but logic and I have never been friends... Me being me, it doesn't hurt that she has a voice like a Disney Princess (this hadn't occurred to me until my friend Dolo pointed it out but now I can't un-hear it and, as such, I'm addicted to listening to her talk), she's absolutely in love with the color pink (further Disney Princess vibes), goes out of her way to make people feel special (she's a self described people pleaser, an affliction from which I also suffer) and is just genuinely...awesome. So am I telling you this because I want the world to know how amazing Lavender is? No (okay maybe), I'm telling you because my "obsession" with Lavender reminds me of someone who seems to find me as fascinating as I do her; Patrick. Patrick is one of my cousin Teri's closest friends, who is married to one of her other very close friends Sara (not to be confused with her best friend and "twin" Sarah, that part of the family seems to have a thing where the important people in their lives all share a name). In addition to being a firefighter and father of two, Patrick is funny and outgoing and, for reasons known only to himself, reads this blog religiously. To the point that he's annoyed that I don't post more often! I love it. Despite my random ramblings about whatever trivial thing is on my mind, Patrick reads my musings faithfully. (I don't even know how he found this blog). As a result, I feel like a celebrity with a massive fan base (of exactly one). He knows my birthday and seems to follow up on my (usually uneventful) life. So, how do I say thank you to my number one fan? Well, today is his birthday so I figured it was the perfect opportunity to let him know how much I appreciate his readership and his presence in my life. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK!!!! This post is dedicated to you!

What I Think is For All Time is Momentary...

Or reason #2,990,786 why cats are easier than people. So I'm at work listening to three of my co-workers talk about getting wasted in the the city a few weekends ago and I have two thoughts; 1. thank God I wasn't invited. 2. Why wasn't I invited. These are women I've hung out with several times before so why didn't they ask me if I wanted to go get drunk in the city? Despite typing that I feel the need to point out that NO PART OF ME WANTS TO GET DRUNK IN THE CITY. Or anywhere else for that matter but, unfortunatly, my brain does a thing whenever I see people doing things without me where it attaches absurd meaning to what I logically know is (likely) meaningless. It goes like this: People I'm friends with do something without me (to be clear, this only applies to situations in which I wasn't invited, not times when I was invited but couldn't/didn't want to go). I ask myself why I wasn't invited (regardless of whether I would have actually wanted to go). I come up with logical reasons as to why I wasn't invited. I throw those reasons out the window, instead working myself into a frenzy about how my friends don't really like me. Why do I do this, you ask? Well as soon as I figure it out, I'll post an update. The simple fact is, I've been doing this my entire life. Sometimes I think I spend more time anticipating the end of friendships than enjoying them. No wonder I like cats better than people; the only thing I have to worry about with Carbon (current cat) is keeping her off the counter. And figuring out what food she feels like eating today. And why the hell she's meowing at me (What. Does. She. Want???). And taking her for walks (yes, I walk my cat. On a pink leash). And, And...oh well, still easier than humans.

The trouble with expansion

I find myself planning out one of the sessions of my latest class, picturing the various activities in my mind, getting more and more excited and then...bam! I remember I'm not going to actually get to see any of it because I'm not going to be there; I don't teach my own classes anymore. Oh sure, Arizona (yea, like the state but I prefer to think of it in Ma Barker, the leader of a notorious gang, whose real name was Arizona (though she went by Kate) will take pics/video but it's not the same and it's at this moment that I realize the down side to expanding. I've always had fantasies of expanding Writing Rainbow to other states, hell, even other countries and, of course I knew this meant that the day was coming when I would have to hand my classes over to someone else, but, somehow, it hadn't dawned on me that that would mean, I would miss out on the fun in real time. For nearly a decade (7 years) Writing Rainbow has been the princess Mar-li show, running on sprinkles, ice magic, and God's grace, and suddenly there's this other person around for me to manage (a seriously scary thought in and of itself). Now, in addition to planning the classes, gathering the supplies, and running laps to White Plains to get them to Arizona, my time (and more than a little energy) is spent wondering how my staff (assuming the number of employees doesn't stop at one) will dress for classes (mainly, I'm trying to decide if I can "encourage" them to dress like a Disney Princess, even though I don't actually want them to do that; cause that's my thing 🙃), whether they'll be on time, and keeping track of hours worked; you know, like an adult running a business. I don't remember signing up for that, I signed up to have parties featuring awesome laser light shows and actually experience them in real time wearing incredibly fabulous dresses (see attached pic), not be somebody's boss! Ugh! who left me in charge?

Perhaps Arrested Development Isn't A Bad Thing....

It has been brought to my attention that I am somewhat...immature for my age. Repeatedly. I like pastels. There's a pink tulle canopy over my bed (which is currently sporting ice cream bed sheets). I still buy an advent calendar; the cardboard kind with cheap chocolate. So I guess all the rumors are true, I am my inner child but....so what??? Society makes a big deal about "growing up" and "acting your age" (At least they claim to, in actuality, there seems to be an ever increasing amount of people who are perfectly content to go around acting like toddlers) but...why? Yeah, yeah, yeah you have to reach a point in your life where you're responsible for yourself; go to work, pay bills yada, yada, yada but, assuming you're doing all that (or at least trying your damndest) why does the rest matter? I've covered this before but it bears repeating because not only do I not see the big deal about liking pigtails and Frozen in my 40s, I actually think my "arrested development" has helped me at times. I recieved a gift bag yesterday from the parent of a student who is moving up to the next classroom which included a beautiful card (also a paper tiara) thanking me for chatting about princesses with their daughter, saying that these conversations made her day on several occasions. Wonderful but I didn't have those conversations with her because I somehow sensed that I needed to "make her day", I did it because I like to talk about princesses (because I am one, duh!). I believe Writing Rainbow has performed beyond my expectations in large part because I've poured my whole self into it; the writing, the tiaras, the (not so) inner child, it's all there for anyone who interacts with Writing Rainbow to see. The way I see it, there are upsides to my "childlike demeanor" some of which are as follows: *Children see me as a bigger version of them (accurate), allowing for better comradery with my students. *Other adults seem easily impressed by me (probably because they think anyone willing to wear Disney dresses in public couldn't possibly be capable of functioning) which has worked to my advantage on several occasions. *I tend not to judge others (at least not for appearing "abnormal"), as I know exactly what it feels like to be judged for being unconventional. *I have an ability to get along with a wide array of people. To that effect my range of friends span several decades; the oldest is 80 (former HS history teacher), the youngest is 24 and I believe I'm a better person for knowing them both. Both have and continue to teach me things about myself. This is apparently confusing to some. I've been asked "How can you be friends with someone so much older/younger?" Simple. I'm ageless. I know music from the 70s. I can have an entire conversation using mainly emojis (I'm not saying I enjoy or even understand why this occurs, I'm just saying I can do it). Of course there are some drawbacks: Sometimes I miss social cues, resulting in awkward and painful situations that were likely avoidable if I were developmentally where I'm "supposed" to be. I have been ridiculed more than a few times for "dressing like a 10-year old." To that effect, people feel the need to remind me I'm an adult, as if having reached middle age with very little to show for it isn't enough of a reminder. The point is, I'm profoundly different from a lot (most?) people. I've known that my entire life (also, people have been telling me as much for about as long) but honestly? Who cares? So long as I'm making progress, why shouldn't I do it in an Elsa dress? Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a tiara on Amazon I simply have to have...