Anti-Social Distancing

So, let's see; I can't go to work (and God forbid unemployment completes my application). I can't go to church. My president's a moron who compares his ratings to The Bachelor. I haven't seen my boyfriend in two months. And the lines at the grocery store (and the sheer insanity of other shoppers) makes me feel like I'm living in a third world country (which, if this continues much longer, I will be). Numb is what passes for a positive emotion nowadays. In the midst of watching my life fall apart a bit of socialization would probably do me a world of good. Enter Courtney's virtual birthday party. Great.

It's not the substitution of Zoom or House party, or whatever the app of the week in place of an actual party I object to; My sister, cousins, and I meet once a week for a VR hangout and, under the circumstances, it's pretty cool. I look forward to it. The difference is, I like them.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't dislike Courtney. I have absolutely no problem with her. As long as I don't have to spend any time with her. Which, in the, how many years has it been since I graduated college...never mind, has been pretty easy to avoid seeing as, until fairly recently, I lived clear across the country. But now, thanks to the God damn plague, I could be anywhere on earth and still be able to attend. Ugh.

So just ignore the invite, right? Who has time for random parties with annoying people? Oh, that's right, I do. Also, there are other people invited whom I haven't seen in forever so it would be an excellent opportunity to catch up with them. Plus, I'd get to wear a tiara and have it be in context for a change, seeing as it's a Halloween party.

Wait! Courtney's having a digital Halloween party??? Halloween is in October (damn near November). Could we possibly be trapped in purgatory till friggin November?? I check the invite again. Her party is June 1st. Courtney is having a Halloween party. In June. See what I'm dealing with here?

The Signs Are Everywhere...

Okay, let's start with the fact that I never take the C train. When en route to or from Graham's house I always wait for the A (express) train but, this time, on account of the fact that I was running 15 minutes late (Graham's fault because...reasons!) and didn't have the 12-ish minutes to wait out the A, I got on the C.

I'm reading, counting the seconds till Fulton St and my medium hazelnut coffee when she ambles on to the train. Yet another in an endless line of 'hard luck' stories. Or so I thought. 'Yal'll, I've had some hard times but I've been really blessed. I'm not here to ask you for anything, I just want to sing for yal'll. Fine, whatever. Only...she was good. Really good. Like, put my book away good. Talented as she was that was not the most amazing thing that I saw in that moment; that came from the woman sitting next to me. Her name is Taylor and as the young lady's performance wound down, she called the woman over and handed her a bag containing shoes she'd JUST bought! (amazingly, they're the same shoe size). I was blown away. Before I could ask her anything she turned to me and said something to the effect of "God shows me so much. I'm just glad He allows me to be apart of it." Yeah. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Turns out we were getting off at the same stop (Fulton). We talked about the books we were reading (she had also been reading before this amazing event) and exchanged Instagram handles (taylented).

This past Sunday I watched my sister and cousin lead our church in prayer (our church is between pastors at the moment), as I listened to their passionate expression of faith I was filled with pride, admiration, and awe...and unequivocal conviction that The Lord is indeed a real and tangible presence in what often seems a weary world.

#NotMyAriel...Yeah, I Said It!

So...the whole #notmyariel thing... Don't hate me (actually I'm good if you do) but I'm going to give them this one. And by 'them' I mean the whiners and complainers who boycott Starbucks cups and set Keurgs on fire, otherwise known as some of the stupidest, most aggravating, twits on the planet. But this time they actually have a point. The Ariel of my beloved movie, my original favorite Disney princess  (before I became hopeless, completely, obsessively devoted to Elsa (because she's my spirit animal) ), is white with iconic red hair so is it asking so much that the remake at least pretend to resemble the original?

Let's get one thing straight right here and now: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING! It is an accuracy thing.

When Aladdin came out my mom thought they made Jasmine too white. Because, you know, she's Middle Eastern but didn't necessarily look it. The remake corrected this. Beauty and the Beast? Emma Watson READ A LOT and danced with the Beast IN A BRIGHT YELLOW DRESS. She wasn't re-imagined as an artist in a smock or played by a chic with black hair. When you think of the Little Mermaid what's the first thing that comes to mind? Crayola red hair. As gorgeous as she is, Halle Bailey does not have that signature feature. (Though I hear she has the voice and that's the reason she was chosen).

Think of it this way; if they decide to make a live action Princess and the Frog and cast Tiana as a blond haired, blue eyed socialite, how well do you think it would go over?

Is it a good thing for young girls of all backgrounds to be able to see themselves reflected in popular characters? Of course! So let's create those characters instead of re-branding old ones.

Wandering Through South Philly, Looking for a Bar....

Taking deep breaths as I glare at my phone. Cannot believe the friggin bus driver passed us! No, not passed us, stopped but wouldn't let us on. He let the white woman on but not me and the other black lady. Racism? Maybe (there are other options) but can't deal with that now. Thanks to him I have bigger problems. I have to cash my check before I go to Port Authority. Will I have time? Maybe. Map says I can make it. Barely. Ugh! Risk it???

Finally on the train. Have to transfer at Yankee Stadium to the D. Might still be able to make it...

Forget it. The D train specializes in making people late. Ugh!! Now I have to go straight there, and even getting to Port Authority on time is going to be iffy.

I make it (to Port Authority, not the check cashing place) with seconds to spare. Graham is waiting where I asked him to, at the Peter Pan bus terminal. Quick kiss hello, come on, we have to go!! He says something about buying tickets but he might as well be screaming into the wind as I'm not even pretending to listen, I don't have time! We don't have time! Besides, I'm way ahead of him on tickets and I tell him so as we dash down the escalator. He's never seen me move this fast. No one has. 

We make it to the bus in time. Now I can relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor. And it is marvelous; Graham is looking around, trying to figure it out. He doesn't. Where are we going, he asks. I smirk and point to the gigantic Philadelphia sign as they call for us to board the bus. You're taking me out of state?! He is stunned. And...upset? Uh oh. I have a tendency to overdo things...

Nope, we're good (I think). We are the last two on the bus which means we can't sit together. This doesn't phase Graham as he settles into a seat several rows in front of me. I realize that, on 19% there is no way my phone is going to make it to Philly. I look around for an outlet and realize it's on the wall of the bus, where the person next to me is seated. Thankfully he is more than happy to accommodate me and after plugging it in, I retrieve my book from my purse. As I prepare to re-aquatint myself with how successful women think (the title of the book tells me they think differently than the rest of us) a text from Graham delays the learning process. It makes me laugh so hard it takes considerable effort not to do so out loud (see pic below).

We make it to Philly and head for our accommodations which is not a hotel but a two bedroom guesthouse where we discover that the keys left by the owner don't work. Sigh. I select 'contact property' from the booking.com website and get...voicemail. Sigh. I send a text...nothing. Sigh. "Are you hungry?" Graham asks. Yes, I am. And so began our trek through South Philly looking for a bar.

And we did indeed find that bar; a misleadingly average looking place that turned out to be so much more.

First of all, it was LOUD! I'm talking neon green with pink polka dots and metallic streamers loud. I felt the base in my veins before I was able to process the beat with my ears. Thank God for jolly ranchers; that plastic cup filled with bright red, icee-style alcohol. Two (or five) of those and that affront to your ears becomes music to your soul. So much the better if that music happens to be 'birthday bitch' which is played when you ask the DJ to play something special in honor of your man. The couple next to us starts Charleston shuffilin and I add this to my list of life goals when Graham refuses to learn this all important social ritual.

The weekend is a blend of homemade chicken fingers the size of Cornish hens that will make you seriously consider moving to the city of poultry, I mean, brotherly love, bacon walnut pancakes with bottomless mimosas, a quick jaunt to Egypt for a dig, and Harvey Birdman-Attorney at law. 

So how'd you spend your weekend? I spent mine wandering through south Philly looking for a bar...

Why I Will Never be Ride or Die

Isn't it wonderful when you find yourself in the kind of relationship where making your s/o happy truly makes you happy? You know, the kind of relationship where you find yourself going to a vintage car show or sample sale willingly (for the most part) because supporting them is important to you. While doing things you might not otherwise enjoy is a sign that you're in the right relationship it is possible to overdo it.

For example, if you tell your s/o that sushi is your favorite food (even though the mere thought of raw fish makes you queasy) because it's their favorite food, you're trying way too hard. 

Suffering though a meal of foods you don't like to impress your s/o is amateur hour compared to, say, having cosmetic surgery to make yourself their fantasy person (yes, this actually happens) is several bridges too far. Also, if you are considering breaking the law in order to prove your love/loyalty it's time to reevaluate your life. 

Ah yes. Ride or die. One of all and all for one. You jump I jump Jack.. This mentality can only end in disaster. I know a woman who takes 'stand by your man' wayyy to seriously. Last week she was served a subpoena to appear in court because her boyfriend may or may not be involved in selling drugs (he did it). She did not take the subpoena well. In fact, while she, in fact, reported to court, she walked out just before being called stating that she didn't want to answer any questions about her boyfriend and telling the lawyer (that had subpoenaed her) that she didn't have to listen to him because she quote "didn't know who he was" en quote. 

Oh honey. No. No. We don't throw away a job, a good job, with benefits, for a man. Any man but especially one who is big on promises but infinitesimal on delivery. You've been involved with this 'man' for seven years. Okay, but what have you actually gotten out of this relationship? Impressive dates? A few, in the beginning... Exclusive? So he says.... Been to his place? Yeah, but.. Met any of his friends? No. Family? No. Any interest in meeting yours? None whatsoever. Talk about living together? He freaks out if I even joke about this... 

Sweetie, if you've been dating someone for more than a year and you haven't met anyone in his life (and it seems as if he could care less about meeting anyone in yours) YOU ARE NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND! 

It's not even like that, you don't understand; he's got a lot going on, it's complicated....

Look, algebra I don't understand, politics is complicated. This? This I get: Your man is in a situation, he needed you, you were there for him. You'd do it again. That's how you get down. Ride or die, all the way. He'd do the same for you.

Sure he would. That's why you've been with him for the better part of a decade but know more about the Real Housewives of Anywhere. 

Have fun in prison. I'm sure he'll wait.

What the Hell is Wrong With Me?

Ever felt as if you've reached a transitional phase in your life? Being within inside voice distance of 37 I have been seriously thinking about what I would like to accomplish in the next 5-ish years. One of those things is deciding where to begin to put down roots; I've never been crazy about the idea of living in Yonkers, (or NY in general) but there are several factors that might require me to stick around such as business ventures. Not mine, my mom's.

My mother, a scenic painter by trade (she paints TV & movie sets), plans on opening an art themed event space and she's going to need a ton of help. Furthermore, my sister just bought a condo in the area and (as much as they drive me crazy), It's easier (for reasons I have neither the time nor the energy to go into) if we stay relatively close. Oh, and this needs to be figured out and in the works sooner rather than later. But, no pressure.

As if this wasn't enough there's another situation occupying more of my thoughts than I'd like to admit and his name is Graham. Graham is my supervisor at work. He's sarcastic, cocky, the kind of crazy intelligent that makes you want to smack him, and reckless on a level usually reserved for 17yr olds. Seriously, the man is frustrating on a level that boggles the mind and if I had any sense whatsoever I'd stay as far away from him as I can. Having said that...we've been dating for a month.

By this stage I've had a few boyfriends, hell I was married for six years, so this shouldn't feel so...new. Not new because it's a new person and a brand new relationship and we are still getting to know each other, but new because... that's just it, I have no idea. 

For the first time since my relationship with my ex-husband was in it's early stages I feel giddy. When I see him or picture him, I find myself smiling shyly. I read the same line six times while working on Writing Rainbow lesson plans before I realize that I'm thinking of him. I honest to God have no idea what's happening to me. More importantly, I don't know how I feel about it. 

All of this; the giddiness, the daydreaming, this indicates happiness, right? But what I feel most is confusion. I'm confused that I'm so enthralled so quickly (as I've said, it's only been a month). I'm worried that I could potentially be falling too fast, opening myself up to all sorts of crap that I'm too damn old to deal with.

I've been there; the drama, the nonsense, and I'm done with it. All of it. Why in God's name would I even want to risk it?

That hair though. And that smile...

Time For a Do Over?

"You have young men of color in many communities who are more likely to end up in jail or in the criminal justice system than they are in a good job or in college. (Barack Obama).

This is an excellent point that highlights the vast inequality of our justice system. However, I don't want to talk about that. What I do want to talk about is the hidden horrors of our justice system, ones you most likely aren't even aware of.

Case in Point: A close friend of mine is divorcing her husband. The parasite she's married to is an absolute f***** nightmare and the divorce is wayyyyyy overdo. However, since he filed for divorce last year (that's right, HE filed) he has been making her (and their children's) lives even more of a living hell than usual;

He Filed an Order of Protection Against my Friend and Both of Their Children: After a family fight. A fight in which he was the aggressor. (My friend had to physically pull him off of her younger daughter). When the police arrived (that's right, he actually called the police) nothing happened. They assessed the situation, asked if everyone was okay and if anyone felt threatened to which everyone responded 'no'. (even him). Nevertheless, he filed for, and received orders of protection against all three of them. The best part? Her older daughter was at a friend's wedding. In Iceland. Iceland. 

As a Result: My friend and her daughters have gone to court four times (at least), losing days at work, missing family events, and costing them enormous amounts of money to get absolutely fucking nowhere. This poor excuse for a man has gone out of his way to postpone every hearing and every trial for reasons known only to himself.

This "Man" Has Gotten his Younger Daughter Thrown Out of the Family Home: with his vicious lies. Now, thankfully, she had just closed on her own co-op but he had no way of knowing this, as he has not been on speaking terms with either of his daughters in years. As far as he knows, she could be out on the street. And he's fine with that. In fact, that would be his preference because it would contribute to my friend's torment, which is his ultimate goal (he's also made numerous attempts to have the older daughter removed and arrested).

And the People Who Are Supposed to Help do Nothing: The cops aren't equipped, or necessarily capable, of rendering effective assistance. They are handicapped by the court. They are not allowed to do anything for anyone without a court order, and they are (by and large) not smart enough to read between the lines (most likely because there is an intelligence cap for being a cop) and accurately assess the situation, leaving vulnerable people essentially on their own. This would be bad enough but the real issue is the Judge they've drawn, who refuses (or is possibly unable to see the situation for what it is. Every appearance before Judge Hon (Not sure her name is spelt correctly) results in her scolding everyone equally; repeatedly dismissing the severity of the situation by pegging major issues as simple family squabbling and, instead of holding my friend's husband accountable for his actions, which, if she were paying attention, she would realize that he is the one constantly filing court documents alleging all sorts of assaults and harassment, most of which can be easily disproved, provided Judge Hon allowed my friend's council to do so (which she does not) choosing instead to tell everybody grow up and get along.

Her inability (either willfully or due to ignorance) to handle this case with insight (in addition to his endless court filings and insane accusations her husband has moved heaven and earth to delay any progress through various stunts. All of which should be obvious to a sitting Judge with even a modicum of experience) has resulted in additional trauma for my friend and her daughters.

Her Younger Daughter Now Suffers From Regular Panic Attacks: She temporally stopped going to Church for fear that her father would make up a lie that would result in her arrest (church being the most likely place to find her). She refuses to give anyone her new address (including her job) for fear that her father will somehow get a hold of it and further torture her. At the first part of her trial (she is the only one who has made it to a trial thus far) she was not allowed to present evidence of injuries she sustained from her father or evidence that would have proven her father's accusations false. One can only assume this is due to Judge Hon's indifference to the truth in this matter.

Her Older Daughter: Has become depressed and angry, requiring her to spend two days a week in a therapist's office, on account of Judge Hon's contribution to the ongoing torment of her family. In fact, she has repeatedly stated that she has every reason to believe that Judge Hon will continue to add to the pain of her mother and sister (I imagine she feels similar emotions but her only concern seems to the anguish of her mother and sister) by ignoring the details of this circumstance created by her father with the sole objective being to inflict heartache on her mother for her determination to divorce him) and, as she feels powerless to protect them from Judge Hon's destructive handling of their case, is seriously considering suicide as the only cure for her inability to save them from the trauma cause by all of this as well as a way to escape the despair she's experience specifically caused by Judge Hon's callus indifference (her words).

My Friend, Once a Vibrant, Fun-Loving Woman: Has become overwhelmed, detaching from aspects of other parts of her life. She is exhausted all the time, angry, and cheerless. A shell of herself, she can barely muster the interest and energy to even go to work (and when she's there she is no less distraught, often bursting into tears for seemingly no reason).

I Write This to Call Out the Fact That Our Justice System is Flawed in Ways Rarely Considered: And that Judges like Judge Hon should either be more cognizant of their power to destroy lives and pay attention to the reality of each case before them, instead of just writing them off as frivolous posturing, or retire to avoid causing any additional injury to those who find themselves in painful battles on account of one person's malice.