That Face You Keep in a Jar by the Door

My last roommate was a petty, self righteous, judgemental, nitwit. She constantly had to remind you how accomplished she was (though, honestly, I lived with the woman for two years and I have no idea what she does) and she always seemed to speak in Seussical, saying things like: our minds don't believe the lies in our eyes. What does that even... Never mind. Only in San Francisco. However, every once in awhile something that came out of her mouth was actually interesting. Like the time my friend Wesley was at my house for Halloween. Wes said: "happy Halloween". She said: "we wear masks every day of the year, today we choose to celebrate". Again, What? But, proving my stopped clock theroy (even broken ones are right twice a day), she makes an interesting point; the guy that sits across from you at work. You know the one, he's always laughing and cracking corny jokes? What's his name?? Is he really that happy? Or does he want you to think he's that happy? The woman in accounting who is always rolling her eyes? What a bitch right? She couldn't possibly be a really great person with a good heart and caring spirit, could she? You get the idea. It doesn't even have to be this dramatic; corny joke guy? Yeah, he is that happy, he loves his life, he hates you and the rest of his co workers, but he loves his life. The ball busting ice queen? She's awesome! She's just tired of people treating her like crap. Or worse, ignoring her altogether. And what about you? How many times a day to you laugh at a joke that clearly isn't funny, or agree to go out when Netflix is calling your name? I'm not talking about being fake, I'm talking about surviving, going along to get along, all in an attempt not to get voted off the island...

Everyone Has Their Harry Styles

It's 5am and my phone is ringing. No, it's not an emergency, well, not a someone's on their way to the hospital emergency. More like a when Facebook stalking makes you hate yourself emergency (which, let's face it, is more often than not). Yes, this moment brought to you by whatever the hell makes us look up exes on Facebook or Instagram in the middle of the night. Seriously, what is that?? Do we all secretly hate ourselves and believe we deserve to suffer? Really, it's the only explanation I can think of for why strong, confident, successful women (and men too I'm sure) continually stoop to this level of degreation. And, lest you think it's only whiny teenage girls and Taylor Swift who experience this, I draw your attention to Lisa Nowak, remember her? Lisa Nowak is (was?) an astronaut. An astronaut people, do you know what it takes to become an astronaut?? Me neither but I'm guessing it takes a hell of a lot of confidence to launch yourself into the stratosphere, litteraly. And yet, when you hear her name, do you think of an amazing woman who specialized in robotics and has been awarded many medals? Nope. When you hear the name Lisa Nowak, you immediately picture a crazed woman speeding down the highway in a diaper towards a confrontation with her rival in a supposed love triangle. Sheeh. An exemplary military career, awards galore, and a trip into friggin space! How does a woman like that get reduced to a punchline?? Simple, she lost her damn mind over a man! And what was so special about this man, William Oefelein? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He's just some guy she met at work. But for him, an otherwise accomplished woman who is at least intelligent enough to get herself a career in space (which I'm guessing means she's pretty darn smart), threw caution, livelihood, and sanity to the wind. Ugh! Why??? Why do they have this effect on us?? Why do we allow these men to turn us into caricatures of ourselves? And, the truly sad part? We all have a story like this, well, hopefully no one else's story involves involves a year of probation and becoming the answer to a trivia question, but we all have a story that involves crazy behavior...and a man. My own? Ugh! Back when my ex-husband and I were still dating, we had an argument over...oh, who knows what? Anyway, I happen to have been out of town during this perticular dust up, so our rather heated exchange took place over the phone. And, not just our phone. Oh no! Like I said, I was out of town at the time and after a round of pointless back and fourth he hung up on me (sadly, this would become a theme in our relationship). At this point what I should have done was nothing. Take a deep breath and calm down and give him a chance to do the same. Yeah, that's not what happened. What happened was I spent the next hour or so trying to get him to talk to me...by calling everyone he knew and trying to convince them to call him on my behalf. Yes, I was that girl. Sigh. Definitely not my proudest moment. But, in my defense, it might be an inherited trait; my mother is one of the smartest, most creative, caring, loving, and strongest individuals I know...until it comes to my dad. My dad is a ill tempered toddler crossed with a Disney Villan. Yet, my mom sticks with him. I have no idea why and neither does she. It's like I said, Taylor is not alone when it comes to bad boys she has a hard time expunging from her life, we all have our Harry Styles. And, right from the start, we knew they were trouble when they walked in.

Uber/Lyft and Scams Galore

Recently, I came across a tweet from Inc that said: Uber may soon owe you money". Heh. Yeah, I could see that. Everywhere you turn there are offers to use Uber, and Lyft too for that matter. The problem is, it rarely goes the way you expect. Oh, those promos seem so good, don't they? Almost too good to be true... The thing about these promo codes is that they're meant to trap you. Here's how it works: you download the Uber app, psyched about your free ride. Oh wait! Before you tap that app, here comes the yes, but clause: you have a free ride? Yes, but it can only be used within five seconds of downloading the app. What's that? You want to use your free ride immediately? Yes, but the free ride is not valid on the first day of the month. Or the 19th. Or any day when the sun is shining. And, in order to use it on any other day you must first authorize Uber to put a hold on your credit card for $500. Yes, the ride is free, the hold is just to mess with you. We're hoping you get so frustrated with us you have a stroke and we get to keep your money without providing any actual service. Oh, you don't like our terms? Go ahead, switch to Lyft, see how well that works out for you. Lyft give you a free $50 ride! Only they don't. What they actually do is advertise a $50 credit while giving you five $10 rides and laughing hysterically when you figure this out. Oh yeah, they also send you a survey: are you happy with our service? Nope.

Art Imitating Life

Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let it show. Ever since I heard those words, advice given by the king of Arendalle to his scared, confused daughter, they resonated deep inside of me. I've lived by the motto conceal, don't feel, don't let it show my entire life, I just didn't have a catchy phrase to go with it. This may come as a surprise to a lot of people who know me; most people see me as loud, outspoken, and fearless, which I find extremely funny because nothing could be further from the truth (except for the 'loud' part, that's pretty much dead on). Perhaps it's because I walk around dressed like a 12 year old Disney Princess...Or maybe it's because, for whatever reason, that's just how people want to see me. There's a reason the phrase 'art imitating life' was coined, nowhere is the comparison more obvious than with movies. For one thing, we are on camera all the time. Security, Instagram, Facebook, our entire lives are on display for all the world to see at all times do is it any wonder we see ourselves in movie characters? We're always saying "you can't make this stuff up" when something out of the ordinary happens. Perhaps this is why Dick Wolf is always 'ripping from the headlines, we tend to see ourselves in television shows and movies, the characters are us and we are them.

Can I Just Say Something Crazy?

I was watching the news last night when I heard about efforts to allow undocumented immigrants to vote. Aparantly, this is not a new concept; according to The Center for Immigration Studdies A concerted effort has been gathering force to allow immigrants to vote without becoming citizens. And why not? This country was founded on immigration. That is a fact. A beautiful fact! People call this country the greatest country in the world. If that's true it's because we have taken the best of every other country and woven it into our fabric. "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams." This oft quoted line from artist Arthur O'Shaughnessy reads like the tag line of America, so, really, it should come as no surprise that we became the world's melting pot. Or, more accurately, a salad bowl, seeing as we're all here together but we retain elements of our origins. And that's what's truly wonderful about our country; it's been said that America has no culture; actually, we have all of them. When it comes to inclusion, we are the grand masters, so of course we're on a quest to include undocumented immigrants in our democratic process, I mean, why wouldn't we want to do that?...Okay, I'm going to be that person and point out that chucking the rules, even if it's supposedly for a good cause, may not always be the right thing to do. Do we want immigrants to come to this country? Of course! (yes, I know there are some people who don't want them here but those people are what's known as closed minded morons and, therefore, their opinions don't count). But what is so wrong with insisting that new arrivals sign the guestbook on the way in? If you want to move to any other country, there is a process to becoming a citizen so why is it so wrong that we require the same thing? It makes no sense that we would have such a process but then say 'oh never mind, the rules don't apply to you, here's complete access to everything we have." Again, to be clear, I AM ALL FOR PEOPLE IMMIGRATING TO THIS COUNTRY. And I understand that everything isn't black and white. Millions of children are brought here by their parents when they are far too young to have a vote. They were raised here, they are as American as you and I, should they be allowed to stay? Of course! Should there be a program for them to become naturalized citizens without being penalized? Yup. (The Dream Act is spot on!). All I'm saying is, rather than allowing people to circumvent our laws, wouldn't our efforts be better spent on finding ways for them to legally join the party?

Deep Nerd February....introverts

https://deepnerdmagazine.com/introverts-and-dating/

The Best Thing I Ever Ate

When I moved back to NY two years ago there was this restaurant that I couldn't wait to get back to; Pommes Frites. Oh Pommes Frites, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...Standing in (an outdoor) line in miserable New York weather, waiting for those piping hot, crispy, crunchy deliciousness, with visions of Rosemary/garlic sauce dancing in my head. Oh that Rosemary/garlic sauce! Pommes Frites actually offers 28 sauces but after you've had the Rosemary/garlic there's no reason to try the rest. Trust me. It's that good. About a year ago, the unthinkable happened; Pomme Friets burned down, leaving a raw, smoking, agonizing hole in our city...and our lives. But, after long last, it's back. Let the heavens rejoice! At a different location (now located at 128 MacDougal St) but back. Honestly, it wouldn't matter if their new location were on Mars, where they lead, I will follow. Long live Pommes Frites. And their Rosemary/garlic sauce...